Can your relationship survive if you don’t see eye to eye on the bigger issues? Photo: Unsplash
题图：如果你们在大问题上意见不一致，你们的关系还能维持下去吗？照片：Unsplash
With Joe Biden pulling out of the reelection campaign, the recent attempt on Donald Trump’s life, and multiple devastating wars occurring around the world, many people are finding themselves experiencing increased levels of stress. And unfortunately, among other negative repercussions, stress tends to find its way into the bedroom, decreasing both pleasure and desire.
随着乔-拜登退出连任竞选、唐纳德-特朗普（Donald Trump）最近被谋杀未遂以及世界各地发生的多场毁灭性战争，许多人发现自己的压力越来越大。不幸的是，在其他负面影响中，压力往往会进入卧室，从而降低快感和欲望。
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So how can you navigate the complex intersection between world issues and intimacy?
那么，您如何才能驾驭世界问题与亲密关系之间复杂的交集呢？
Is it harder to have sex when there’s so much going on in the world?
当世界上发生这么多事情时，做爱更难吗？
It’s normal to find it harder to prioritise sex while there’s a seemingly endless stream of bad news being broadcast. In fact, studies have found that for 80-90 percent of the population, increased stress levels act to significantly reduce interest in sex.
在播出看似无穷无尽的坏消息时，发现更难优先考虑性是正常的。事实上，研究发现，对于80-90%的人口来说，压力水平的增加会大大降低对性的兴趣。
When an individual is experiencing this, they have two main options. They can either choose to intentionally take sex off the table for a few weeks while they focus on putting energy into other parts of their life. Or, they can choose to increase the effort they’re putting into their intimate life to revive their libido and overcome the effects of stress.
当一个人遇到这种情况时，主要有两种选择。他们可以选择故意在几周内停止性生活，同时把精力集中在生活的其他方面。或者，他们可以选择加大对亲密生活的投入，以恢复性欲，克服压力带来的影响。
Both of these options are valid and healthy, and what each person chooses will be specific to what their priorities are at this moment in time.
这两种选择都是有效和健康的，每个人的选择将特定于他们此时此刻的优先事项。
Why is sex and intimacy still important when there’s seemingly bigger issues at play?
为什么当看似更大的问题在起作用时，性和亲密关系仍然很重要？
I’ve had people ask me whether it’s selfish to put time and effort into their sex lives while there are wars occurring. While having an awareness of the stark difference in lived experiences around the world is an important factor that can lead to positive action taking, no one benefits from you deteriorating the quality of your own life.
有人问我，在战争发生的同时，把时间和精力放在性生活上是否自私。虽然认识到世界各地生活经历的巨大差异是一个重要因素，可以促使人们采取积极行动，但没有人会因为你降低自己的生活质量而受益。
In fact, pleasure is a highly effective and recommended resource that can be used to decrease stress levels and burnout. The social connection and pleasure involved in sex release feel-good hormones that positively impact how involved you’re able to be in the social issues that matter to you.
事实上，快乐是一种非常有效且值得推荐的资源，可以用来降低压力水平和倦怠感。性爱中的社交联系和快感会释放出感觉良好的荷尔蒙，对你参与社会事务的能力产生积极影响。
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If my partner and I don’t see eye-to-eye on world issues, should we still stay together?
如果我和我的伴侣在世界问题上意见不合，我们还应该在一起吗？
I’ve seen many clients who hold vastly different political beliefs than their partner, and I’ve seen how these differing attitudes can create tension within a relationship and its accompanying sex life.
我见过许多客户与他们的伴侣持有截然不同的政治信仰，我已经看到这些不同的态度如何在一段关系及其伴随的性生活中造成紧张。
Whether a couple chooses to stay together and have a thriving sex life when they sit at opposite ends of the political spectrum is a choice that only that couple can make. However, what I’ve suggested to clients before is that they consider whether it’s their partner’s political stance or their underlying values that are the issue.
当一对夫妻处于政治立场的两端时，他们是否选择继续在一起并拥有美满的性生活，只有这对夫妻才能做出选择。不过，我曾经建议客户考虑一下，问题究竟是出在伴侣的政治立场上，还是出在他们的潜在价值观上。
Political discussions can simply be avoided by those who don’t see eye-to-eye politically, thus removing this is an issue within the relationship. However, if the individuals have opposing moral compasses that will inevitably cause tension over many different occasions, then that can be a more challenging situation to overcome.
政治观点不一致的人可以简单地避免政治讨论，从而消除关系中的这一问题。但是，如果双方的道德观截然相反，在许多不同的场合都不可避免地会造成紧张关系，那么要克服这种情况就会更具挑战性。
How do I keep political issues out of the bedroom?
我如何将政治问题排除在卧室之外？
Reading about political tension in the States and seeing videos on social media of the war in Gaza are unlikely to assist anyone with accessing their desire for intimacy.
阅读有关美国政治紧张局势的信息，并在社交媒体上看到加沙战争的视频，不太可能帮助任何人实现他们对亲密关系的渴望。
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While it’s important to stay informed about what’s happening in the world, it’s also important to have healthy boundaries around politics that allow your intimate life to remain healthy.
虽然了解世界上正在发生的事情很重要，但围绕政治制定健康的界限也很重要，这样你的亲密生活就能保持健康。
I recommend not checking news sites too early or late in the day and avoiding political talk in the bedroom, so this part of your house can remain a dedicated space for connection and pleasure. You may also find it beneficial to limit how long you spend looking at the news, say to 30 minutes per day.
我建议您不要在一天中过早或过晚查看新闻网站，避免在卧室谈论政治，这样您家的这一区域就能保持一个专门的交流和愉悦空间。您可能还会发现，限制自己看新闻的时间，比如每天不超过 30 分钟，也是有益的。
Setting these boundaries doesn’t mean that you stop caring about what’s happening in the world. Instead, this strategic boundary setting allows you to stay passionate without becoming overwhelmed.
设定这些界限并不意味着你不再关心世界上正在发生的事情。相反，这种战略边界设置使您可以保持热情而不会不知所措。
During this time, it’s also normal to find that you need to dedicate more time to foreplay in order to give yourself time to relax into the experience and locate your sexual desire.
在这段时间里，你会发现自己需要花更多的时间来进行前戏，以便让自己有时间放松地体验和定位自己的性欲，这也是很正常的。
*Sofie Louise is a certified Auckland-based sex and libido coach and freelance journalist.
*索菲·路易丝（Sofie Louise）是奥克兰的认证性与教练和自由撰稿人。
来源： RNZ
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